Oh man... When it rains, it pours!

Two days ago was my sister's Birthday. The day before that she was rear ended by a bus driver and now she's having pains in her back and in the front and has started bleeding again.

You may remember that recently she had a c section with her fourth child and also had her tubes cut, burned, and tied. She should not be bleeding and yet she is.

Back in Dec of 2007 right before Christmas, we lost my mother's mom to cancer. She'd been fighting it for two years. It went in and out of remission, before spreading through her entire body and killing her. I was unaware she even had cancer until a week before she died. {I'm the last to ever be told anything}

About 8 hours ago I received a call from my mother telling me that my father's dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. {same stuff that killed my Grama in 07}

Unlike my grandmother who I wasn't really close to {we barely saw each other} my grandfather I am close to. He's the one who took in my first dog Snoopy when my parents wanted rid of her. My Grandfather took her in so that I could still see and play with her whenever I visited. I visited him nearly every summer.

He used to tease me and my sister {especially} my sister} about our 'chalupa ears'.

Back in 2005, we took a trip to Texas to allow both sets of my grandparents to meet their great grandkids face to face. Grandpa went out of his way to make sure the kids had a fun time, despite Grama's rules.

I'm already freaked because all forms of female cancers {breast, ovarian, tubal} run rampant in the females of my family. Especially since everyone minus my generation so far has had it {including my mother}

So this isn't helping to calm my fears. I want to cry and did for about two minutes. The thing is rather than crying about what cannot be changed, I put it in God's hands and pray for his will to be done.

my concern however, is that maybe I have spent too many years growing up crying and have possibly become jaded, or frigid, or flat out too used to pain to be deeply affected?

I will turn 32 in ten days and in the last 6 years between Sept and Dec we have lost {between my family and my husband's} 3 grandparents 1 great grandparent and over 8 cousins. I'm sick of losing people!

It's gotten to the point I dread even picking up the phone between this time of year anymore.

The pain is deep, the shock is gone and yet the tears refuse to fall anymore. I only cried for two minutes... Does this make me a bad person?

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On the plus side, my sister had her baby and both mother and baby are home now. I just spoke to my grandmother and Grandpa has had 3 chemo treatments reducing the cancer by 30% already. He goes in for the fourth one on Tuesday.

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Now for the writing stuff:

I have also completely revised A Miko's Love Story and I have finally finished re-posting it.

I have that Ban/Kag one shot Stormy Knight Seduction posting on the 18th and have AMLS's Third Anniversary one shot rough drafted. It WILL post on time this Dec 30th. I also have he next four years' anniversary one shots planned out they just need to be written, so AMLS is going fine.

As for my novels, I haven't touched them recently and with tonight's news I don't expect to be able to focus on them any time soon.

I'll try to write some more chapters for Worst Nightmare when I can focus on writing again and I'm going to start working on revising The Captive, so keep an eye out for it.