Breakthrough!

Despite the wretched heat wave the last four days, I've had a serious break through on my Double Trouble novel. I have completely revised the story treatment and will be posting it for my crit group soon.

I also have a few minor tweaks left to make to the first three chapters and then they should be ready to post for input as well.

Also the genres have changed. These will be romances with sprinkles of the paranormal.

I have a solid plan and sales pitch for the second novel of the trilogy as well. I even have the bare bones of the plot down with no {that I can find anyways} major plot holes.

My plan as of now is still a trilogy but all three books will focus on one couple as opposed to a new couple each book. The first two will be from the heroine's POV and I'm thinking the third one would be best from the Hero's POV.

Any comments or suggestions on doing things that way? I'd love to hear what everyone thinks. To my critters, I'll be posting the first novel's treatment up in the next available period. So keep an eye out for it, thanks.

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On a more personal note, I finally watched the DVD my grandmother sent me. The funeral wasn't on it instead it was the disk of photos and some camcorder segments throughout the years. So it was basically a collage of stuff about granpa. I'm assuming it's the one they played at the funeral.

However, through watching the disk I've learned a lot about granpa that no one ever told me. For starters he was an Army medic during Vietnam. I was shocked to learn that, but thinking it over it makes sense. He always had a smile on his face and he just loved life. He loved flowers {that I knew} I saw a couple pictures of him actually breaking in a horse too.

I didn't know he smoked, but in the army pictures he's almost always got a cigarette or a cigar in his mouth. So it makes more sense as to why it was lung cancer that killed him last year. I think watching the DVD has helped to ease my mind over his loss.

My Heart still aches and will probably for the rest of my life. He was probably the most important and stable part of my rough childhood. Around him my worries stayed at bey. I will always miss him, but I know he's not suffering anymore and he passed at peace with our maker. I also know he wouldn't want me to stay sad over losing him. he'd want me to hold our memories in my heart and go on with my life, which is what I intend to do.

I purposefully made our last picture together back desktop background picture, because it brings a smile to my face no matter how sad I feel. I feel lighter looking at the picture and from time to time I can still hear him laughing.

Remeniscing.

I find myself standing at a crossroad. Currently it's all the funerals I've attended in the past five years and how many loved ones have passed in the past fifteen years.

The one that I think hit me the hardest was my grandfather passing away back in Nov 2010.

I remember when I was little he would pull down this wooden truck. The doors were yellow, the bed red, the hood green and the wheels blue. We would sit on the floor for many hours taking turns driving it around with our hands.

The main thing I remember about him is that he always made everyone around him smile no matter how bummed out they felt. Sometimes when I look at our last picture together from when my husband and I took the kids to meet their grandparents back in 2002, I can still hear him laughing.

The first couple of days I broke down into uncontrollable tears. Whenever I thought I had finally finished crying out my last tear, out of the blue another wave would crash over me. My heart would ache so bad that I could barely breathe and tears would rain from my eyes again.

My mother in law and my husband gathered the kids and we all went out to play my favorite game {ski ball} at the family center for the day. We spent over thirty dollars in quarters that day. Even then I couldn't stop my tears for longer than a few minutes. I felt as if I'd lost my childhood best friend.

Granpa wasn't particularly my confident or anything. Truth be told unless he was telling jokes or calling my sister Chalupa-ears, he was a man of few words. But he always brought a smile to my face and made me forget whatever was weighing me down, no matter how sad or lonely I was.

When he passed away I felt as if a dark, heavy cloud had cast over me and I could barely think of anything but how much I missed him and wished he was still around.

I only saw him during the weekends whenever I lived with my mother or the summers when I lived with my father. Bouncing between the two wasn't conductive to a feeling of having a stable home, so I guess in a way Granpa was my stability.

Every time I visited him, I would ask to go see the horses hoping he would teach me to ride the horse he always said was mine. Every time he'd be worn out {I thought from working on a ranch. Little did I know he actually owned the ranch.} and would promise we could go see them next time.

I never did get to see my horse, but when he tucked us in, he would tell us kids stories about how horses and the silly things they did during the week. Those stories always made me smile. He did show us pictures of the horses, but to this day I've never ridden one, least of all mine.

That's okay though, I enjoyed knowing I had a horse that was born the year I was. It gave me the ability to dream happy dreams of riding my horse, feeding her, petting her. My life was rough pretty much since I was six years old, so those dreams were a small rays of happiness for me.

I remember that when my parents wouldn't let me keep my dog {Snoopy} Granpa took her so I could still see her whenever I visited. Snoopy was my second dog, my first one was a Golden Retriever named Goldilocks.

I remember watching Granpa playing with Snoopy through the kitchen window as I did the dishes. He'd throw the frisbee and laugh as Snoopy darted after it and brought it back wagging his tail.

Granpa would scratch behind the dog's ears and kiss the top of his head, before hugging him. When I finished the dishes I would run outside and join in. We'd play with the frisbee until it started getting dark and then go inside.

Sometimes there were a couple of squires that would run across the ground and up the tree. We would laugh and watch their antics for about an hour. I would always sleep in my father's old bedroom with the old eight track. As I grew older that became a wine room with glass shelves of lookie-no-touchies and racks of wine. Then I got moved into my AUnt Patty's old room.

After Granpa died it took me many months to get back to my usual routines. For the first couple weeks I could barely do more than functioning on auto pilot. I had no chance of ever writing anything at that point, despite writing being what got me through losing my mother's mom to cancer three years prior.

It hasn't been quite a full eight months since he passed away, but I can look at his picture and hear him laughing. I don't cry anymore either. There are days when I feel like I will cry, but I manage to get through without crying.

Our final picture together is and has been my desktop background since he passed away. Two days ago I received a DVD of his funeral in the mail from my grandmother. Since our truck broke down in 2007 I couldn't go to his funeral, but we did send flowers.

He loved flowers of every variety. The DVD was specifically made for family in hopes of bringing back memories of happier times. I want to watch the DVD really bad, yet at the same time I'm worried that if I do watch it, I will break down in tears all over again.

Currently the DVD sits here in my desk opened but unwatched because part of me is afraid that his loss is still way too fresh and raw to risk watching it.

I stare at it night and day wondering what all is on it besides the funeral. I've even picked it up several times in the last 48 hours and been tempted to play it, but so far I end up placing it back unwatched.

Finally An Update.

My apologies for my long absence. Way too much has been going on.

For starters we lost my husband's grandfather last month. So we have been taking things one day at a time.

Secondly we've had wild weather again this year. Temperatures going as high as heat index of 135 today, we have one more day like that tomorrow and then back to the torrential rains. Our driveway has been getting flooded a lot lately.

Suffice it to say life as been extremely hectic around here.

Well

It's been a while, huh? After losing granpa like we did it's been rough, but I'm back on my feet and ready to tackle writing again. XD

Let's start with fanfiction updates...

Worst Nightmare is officially completed.

Stormy Knight Seduction is a little over half done.

My Enemy My Friend is going strong.

Against All Odds is slowly coming along. I don't get much time to work on this one lately, but I will.

Bankotsu's Sensual Education is on the back burner currently.

Small Youkai Lovers is slow going. I need to figure out a good solid plot line for this one.

Now onto the progress of my novels.

Double Trouble is being completely revised. I have the first chapter and a half finished. The plot is looking nice and solid with no holes in it.

It's two sequels are still being planned out. I have a basic plot for each of them, but can't really write anything in stone for them yet until DT is finalized.

The Caspians is being revised. I'm slowly bringing together a whole new plot for this one. One that might just end up as a series.

It's official

My grandfather passed away last night. Don't expect any updates for at least two weeks.

And it continues...

I just received a call from my sister informing me that my grandmother and father read my grandfather his last rites at the hospital tonight. There won't be any updates on my fics or my novels for a while all, sorry.

I'm a bit upset right now because once again I'm the last to ever be told anything. no one even bothered to tell me he was at the hospital and has been since Sunday.... Despite everyone knowing since Sunday.

I had only been told he even had lung cancer a few months ago, despite him having it for two years now...

I am so sick of being the last to know important things like this. i could care less about the little everyday things, but important stuff like this waiting until the last minute? What's the point of that? Now I have no chance to talk to him one last time, yet I'm sure they all did. Thanks family, thanks a lot!

I'm also sick of dreading the sept-dec time of year because that is when everyone dies lately for the last 6 years...

*deep sigh* At least my sister finally told me tonight, now that it's too late to even talk to him again.

I'm not in a good mood right now and have no clue when I will be back. I apologize for keeping everyone waiting.

Oh man... When it rains, it pours!

Two days ago was my sister's Birthday. The day before that she was rear ended by a bus driver and now she's having pains in her back and in the front and has started bleeding again.

You may remember that recently she had a c section with her fourth child and also had her tubes cut, burned, and tied. She should not be bleeding and yet she is.

Back in Dec of 2007 right before Christmas, we lost my mother's mom to cancer. She'd been fighting it for two years. It went in and out of remission, before spreading through her entire body and killing her. I was unaware she even had cancer until a week before she died. {I'm the last to ever be told anything}

About 8 hours ago I received a call from my mother telling me that my father's dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. {same stuff that killed my Grama in 07}

Unlike my grandmother who I wasn't really close to {we barely saw each other} my grandfather I am close to. He's the one who took in my first dog Snoopy when my parents wanted rid of her. My Grandfather took her in so that I could still see and play with her whenever I visited. I visited him nearly every summer.

He used to tease me and my sister {especially} my sister} about our 'chalupa ears'.

Back in 2005, we took a trip to Texas to allow both sets of my grandparents to meet their great grandkids face to face. Grandpa went out of his way to make sure the kids had a fun time, despite Grama's rules.

I'm already freaked because all forms of female cancers {breast, ovarian, tubal} run rampant in the females of my family. Especially since everyone minus my generation so far has had it {including my mother}

So this isn't helping to calm my fears. I want to cry and did for about two minutes. The thing is rather than crying about what cannot be changed, I put it in God's hands and pray for his will to be done.

my concern however, is that maybe I have spent too many years growing up crying and have possibly become jaded, or frigid, or flat out too used to pain to be deeply affected?

I will turn 32 in ten days and in the last 6 years between Sept and Dec we have lost {between my family and my husband's} 3 grandparents 1 great grandparent and over 8 cousins. I'm sick of losing people!

It's gotten to the point I dread even picking up the phone between this time of year anymore.

The pain is deep, the shock is gone and yet the tears refuse to fall anymore. I only cried for two minutes... Does this make me a bad person?

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On the plus side, my sister had her baby and both mother and baby are home now. I just spoke to my grandmother and Grandpa has had 3 chemo treatments reducing the cancer by 30% already. He goes in for the fourth one on Tuesday.

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Now for the writing stuff:

I have also completely revised A Miko's Love Story and I have finally finished re-posting it.

I have that Ban/Kag one shot Stormy Knight Seduction posting on the 18th and have AMLS's Third Anniversary one shot rough drafted. It WILL post on time this Dec 30th. I also have he next four years' anniversary one shots planned out they just need to be written, so AMLS is going fine.

As for my novels, I haven't touched them recently and with tonight's news I don't expect to be able to focus on them any time soon.

I'll try to write some more chapters for Worst Nightmare when I can focus on writing again and I'm going to start working on revising The Captive, so keep an eye out for it.